Big Booty Hoes

Weight: 142

Stress Level, Out of 10: 7

When a person who is reasonably fit begins to gain weight, that weight often has an odd way of redistributing itself. Sometimes, it sticks itself to body parts in which the owner won't really notice the gains, see, and doesn't make a big scene-- i.e., shifting clothing sizes and the like. Obviously, I speak from experience. Don't I always?

What I find weird is that I managed to remain a size 6 after a 20- lb gain. My excess revealed itself in odd, unmeasurable places: the backs of my arms, my breasts, that weird part of my inner thighs...and of course-- my booty.

Hello, my name is Lee, and I am a big booty hoe. Or was, anyway. Since New Years I've been on a strict regime to SHRINK THAT ASS that has worked well. Essentially, I lost 10 pounds in 7 days by eating about 500 calories per day all while praying that I didn't pass out in the street. Passing out was not just my phenomenon-- one friend lost consciousness in the shower while attempting a fast on the same said diet.

Another poster eats only chicken legs to maintain her losses. Some "Mantainers"-- those who have reached their weight loss goals-- limit themselves to 900-1,200 calories each day (it's generally agreed that 1,200 calories is the absolute least a woman should eat per day). Still others eat only egg whites for every meal, or sip broth in lieu of eating food.

I lost another 10 pounds over the course of 5 more weeks before calling "uncle." I'd found myself more likely to binge, snapping up lost pounds like pocketchange in the street. The things I desired were odd: green beans, butter, blue cheese dressing. I discovered, after 2 days of eating brussels sprouts in olive oil, that I'd regained 6 pounds. I decided to go back to Atkins, a scientific, time- tested WOE, and have been there ever since.

Now, don't get me wrong: I don't necessarily blame Kimkins. When my losses stalled, I asked Kimmer for advice, and she responded to eat less. So I did. Eating "less" of 500 calories revealed flaking, peeling skin on the tips of my fingers, hair that shed at the slightest manipulation, and constant fatigue. I didn't HAVE to eat less. I believe, if the dieter is eating adequate calories (at least 800-1,000) that Kimkins can be sustainable for the long haul. That said, though I no longer incorporate the diet strategies for weight loss, I HAVE discovered a useful tool for when the extra pounds slide on with little explanation.

Would I recommened Kimkins to friends who've come across Big Booty Hoe Syndrome? Nyap. I've always been an eating disorder waiting to happen, so Kimkins was a cool challenge for me. But for folks who need to shed a few pounds and develop better eating habits for life, Kimkins falls short in that it has no maintenance plan except to "keep eating less." And while, for some, eating "just a little" might be feasible, for me, a woman who's kept off the better part of 50 pounds for 6 years and loves to eat, eating some fat just works better.

Kimkins Diet

Weight: 142

Stress Level, out of 10: 6

Well, there appears to be a new sherriff in weight- loss town-- the Kimkins Diet. Featured on prominent covers such as People and Women's World, this new diet has taken the weight loss world by storm. I think.

The plan was developed by Heidi Kimmer, a California foster mom who lost 200 pounds in less than a year. Her secret? Lean meats, unadorned veggies, and limited extras. After being banned from the largest low- carb forum online, www.locarbfriends.com, Kimmer took her knowledge elsewhere and added a $39.95 price tag to join. Not a bad deal given that Kimmer had been reviewing individual menus, giving personalized advice, and answering the same questions-- patiently-- over and over for FREE on the LCF site. The monies are said to go towards meeting the needs of her foster kids, all boys, who often come to her with nothing.

I bit the bullet and joined. In a carb- laden honeymoon smog, I'd somehow convinced myself that I no loner needed to count my carbs. With such a decision arrived interesting side effects: sleeplessness, constant hunger, a new addiction to caffeine, and, er, about 20 extra unwanted pounds!

That's right-- the woman who'd maintained a weight loss for 6 years had some serious recidivism. I was desperate, and wanted the extra weight gone ASAP. So Kimkins it was.

In essence, Kimkins is a low carb, low fat plan in which lean meats and veggies rule. And that is about it. Think fish and salad every day until your goal weight, and you've got it about right. You also have the option of other lean meats, ready-to-drink shakes, protein puddings, and eggs of all varieties. K/E, or Kimmer's Experiment, limits the dieter to unlimited amounts of lean meats-- no vegetables. The idea is that after a few days your appetite drops dramatically-- so much so that you won't even want to eat.

I will say this: the diet is simple, and it works. But it is not for the faint of heart.