Sunday, February 19, 2012

Blue

I do my fills on Fridays so that I can recuperate over the weekend.

Third fill = pain.
Yes, pain, finally.  I called my mom in little-girl tears.


I took pain meds for the first time in...weeks. It hurt to breathe. I heard myself moaning all night.  By morning, I still hurt, but by afternoon, I was fine.  24 hours and it was like it never happened.  Except now...I have a little projection. Went out for dinner with a girlfriend, even. Did a little work on the big diss.

But. I. Was. Scared.

I get this pain over my heart that used to be the weight of my breasts. Imagine that muscle stretching. Every movement, every inhale.  Remember me? it said.  I do now!



It's over now but it's been a hell of a weekend. A FORCE meeting today almost an hour out of town. I'm annoyed that all of the Philadelphia meetings have been in the 'burbs. I write about access, do research on access...the availability of information and support, and the last meetings have been an hour out from the city. Is this inclusive, really, if I have to give up two hours just driving each time?  

But I'm going- I know I need to go. Need to have someone tell me that this is only a moment and this will pass and at some point I will stop feeling like something in me is broken.

13


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