I have been eating as if it is going out of style. Not from stress, not from ignorance. I'm battling what feels like an itch in my stomach, and the calamine lotion is food.
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| dress- alice and olivia |
I know I'm not huge, friends. But I did maintain a realistic weight for 7 years, and I am not back there yet. Kate Harding said it best:
"I’ve been meaning to sit down and write a post about the phrase “You’re not fat.” I hate it, even though I know the way you just said it was meant with nothing but love. The problem is, I’ve been hearing it all my life–at times it was a statement of fact, but more often than not, the question of my fatness was open to interpretation, and the meaning behind it was, “You’re not ten other things I associate with fat.”
Coming from skinny people, it usually means, “You’re not unattractive, lazy, stupid, smelly, unhealthy, disgusting, etc.” Coming from fatter people (some of whom I’m related to), it means, “Quit whining. You don’t even KNOW what it’s like to be fat.”
To review: My daily plan, (a plan for life, not just weight loss) includes:
-protein
-4 cups of non- starchy veggies
-1- 2 servings of dairy
-1 serving of nuts
-1-2 servings of fruits
-a sweet treat totaling a hundred calories or so
I dropped my carbs some so that I could eat without worrying too much about calories, but now it's time to return to the real world. And if I still have this urgent hunger, it may be time to evaluate upping my overall calories as well. Adding fat helps too.
I feel a little like a failure. I am trying to look at this like an experiment in which I am constantly recalibrating. One thing I do know: I will not give up running. I fucking love it. And just look at those legs.
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| wedges- dolce vita via saks fifth avenue |
Strong, no? But damn. I need to get these last pounds off too.
xoxo,
A very confused 13
