Thursday, February 03, 2011

Why You Should Always Try Things On

Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.  -- Happy Gilmore

You should always, always try things on.  In a moment of I-need-an-ironed-blouse-immediately I bought this on supersale ($19) at Gap. (Un)fortunately for me, there is a Gap on campus, and so I often end up there when spills/buttons popping off/ some- fucker- stole- my- cashmere- gloves- in- the- library happen. 

I should have guessed from the price that this was going to be a loser. Note my confusion.

I was sucked in by the print, and thought the shape, though blousy, could work.  But no. What the hell are the sleeves doing?  Whose idea was this?

The tags were off, so  it was my cross to bear.  My lighted path for my fellow man follows.

Step 1: Remember to try everything on, moron, especially shapes that look "interesting" or "unique." They're probably just weird.

denim trousers, ugly blouse-gap; jacket-jcrew

Step 2: Apply an Ugly Blouse fix: a jacket.  This is an oldie but a goodie from J.Crew a couple of years ago.  It's oversized and modern, and quite honestly, I prefer it wrinkled. Sorry, mom. And dad, and Granny.  I did not mean to bring shame on our family by looking homeless. 

Step 3: Tada! The Ugly Blouse becomes wearable, its ugly sleeves hidden under the oldie-but-goodie jacket. Distract people with a new lipstick, also purchased on campus at Blue Mercury. Send a letter to the provost in protest of their being an Urban Outfitters, Ann Taylor Loft, etc. on campus as they endanger precarious fellowship funds.

Step 4 (bonus points):  Add some rockin' shoes to distract from how ugly the blouse is.

pumps-schuler and sons, anthro

Oh, I just crack myself all up. 


ps-Thanks to everyone for the well wishes yesterday.  I'm aight...
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