Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Weight Loss Wednesdays: Denial is a River in -

The Great Pyramid, New Year's Day 2009

  A joyous, Mubarak- free Egypt.


In general, I am practical and efficient, and a keen observer. But when it comes to my body, the last year I've been a veritable ostrich. Part of this was purposeful: I needed to step back, step off of the diet train, and stop hating myself based on how much crap I'd eaten each day.  The "cure," then, was to eat. Normally.  But of course I had no idea what normal was anymore.

So I ate what I wanted, mostly in quantities that made sense to me. 
But, in a body that had been hated and deprived, I gained anyway. I suppose that's how it goes.


But something funny happened: I started to love my body. Yep, even  its fat.  And I found my "normal." And so the decision to lose weight has been less a sentence than a journey.  I am still so surprised at how effortless weight loss feels when I erase the time clock and remove the shame. Emotionally, I feel healthy.  Strong. 

And for the record, I know I'm not that fat, but I have been. I was a 200- pounder twelve years ago-- morbidly obese for 5'3 me. 
2000

1999
But.
But.


At my current weight I have high blood pressure, triggered, I believe, by "diet" behaviors + allergy meds + stress + heredity. I am quite literally paying the piper for what I have done to my body.  But I suppose this is what weight loss is-- returning to a new normal.  Physical vigor along with emotional health. And it means that I'm having to pull my head out of the sand about what carrying these extra pounds means to my well- being. 

Just some things I've been thinking about.

Weight loss, week 6: -1
Total weight lost: -7
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