I'm tired. But I'm able to do some work along with looooong stretches of rest. In fact, the first chapter of the big diss is in, with the second following next week. I am in a state of disbelief about both it and the surgery...I can't believe both are almost done. Or rather, approaching done-ness.
I went for my first fill today. It was mostly painless and now I have a little bit of projection. Doc says I can go every week if I want; she'll do 60 ccs each time. Below is the process: basically over time the doc sticks you with a syringe full of saline. Since my implant will be placed behind my muscle, it has to stretch over a period of some months. I am still so happy with the levels of professionalism and expertise. It's hard to get naked in front of someone over and over. I always wonder: can they see how happy I am to not have the breasts anymore? To have this risk...almost gone? It is all I can do not to hug the docs.
I am missing mom and feeling overwhelmed. I look normal from the outside but I'm so tired. I love the work of writing and reading but at the end of the sessions I feel as if I've run three miles. I feel an incredible sense of urgency about finishing-- it's been 4 and a half years now and I'd like to earn a salary again: save for retirement, put a new roof over our front porch. Right now our "extra" will be going toward a housekeeper since I am basically housebound but have this stupid dust allergy. I am also forbidden from lifting anything heavier than 5 pounds. This includes my little doggie, my laptop, and the damn vacuum cleaner. So I can't clean my house, take the laptop to a coffee shop, or work from campus unless I'm willing to crash at one of the labs, which I dislike immensely (too distracting for writing).
If nothing else, I have always prided myself in being physically strong (even while I was fat), but these days...I do not feel strong at all. I feel tired and dopey and glazed.
The good news is that I've been given the ok to exercise again! More on that later...
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