I am a goal- setter. A doer. I believe if I want to do something, I can do it. And most of the time, I do. My friends call me "ruthless." With a friendly smile thrown in for good measure. (I believe that is called commitment, friends. The old folks call it gumption.)
But with weight loss, I have historically been my own sloppy little sister: a half- assed promise- breaker who overeats and restricts, then starts the cycle all over again.
This go round has been soooooo different. For one, I didn't give myself a pound requirement. I'm not aiming to reach towards anything but a normal BMI, which seemed like the only rational goal for someone wanting to get off the weight- loss merry-go-round. And second, unlike my attempts at low carbing, pretty much anything goes. Before, I had strict rules about everything. I believe that it was those rules-- that need for control-- that triggered my very out-of-control binge behaviors. Binge behaviors I'd never had before limiting sugar. But I don't blame the eating plan. I blame me.
This go round, I am attempting everything differently. I am eating more. I am eating whatever foods fit my fancy within my carb ceiling, which is about 100 grams per day. Other than making sure I'm getting 4 cups of veggies in, I have few other parameters. I am exercising 3-4 times a week, but not in the old way- not the manic, I- must- exercise- to- lose way. And guess what?
I don't feel like I'm dieting.
I just feel like I'm living a healthy life.
So when Alexia shared her 8- week challenge, I was unsure of what my goals would be other than to keep on keeping on. But then I remembered the recurring dream. Ro and Corine said it means I should get my ass moving, hesitations and all. And Carly was sweet enough to check a dream dictionary to share something that got me thinking:
"To dream that you are running alone, refers to your determination and motivation in the pursuit of your goals. You will find success and rise above those around you."
I don't know about 'rising above' others, but I certainly don't have to be the sloppy little sister with weight loss. I can run (right?). I can get to my goal weight, and lower if I want (right?). I can do it without compulsions, without hating food or my body or myself (right?). And I can do this while feeling beautiful (right?). I am cautiously optimistic.
So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna commit to running. You know, publicly. Thanks, everyone, for the push.
Pray for me. I don't want to quit again.