Cause these are my confessions:-I've been so stressed this month because I was waiting on the results of a test. I was negative, but it still means big changes ahead. I am afraid to move forward, but more afraid not to. Right now I am managing a disease I don't have yet, and part of that management, along with a major surgery, is- you guessed it- weight loss and exercise.
-My eating has been weird. For the last few weeks I have consciously had to cut my calories (because I wanted to eat and eat and eat from stress). I guess "cut" isn't the right word, cause I ate.every.calorie. But I literally had to go upstairs with a piece of gum and some Vicks vapo- rub some evenings and call it a night. Just try to eat with a minty fresh mouth AND a minty fresh nose. Betcha can't.
-I indulged my need to eat mindlessly with low- calorie stuff: sliced bell peppers, seaweed, raw mung beans. For some reason, a crunchy mouthfeel was very important to me during this time.
-My exercise has slipped again- I only worked out twice last week! However...all of a sudden my weight loss feels apparent to me: my pants are baggin'- saggin,' rings spinning. The pants I bought three weeks ago (and ONLY three pounds ago- go figure) are goners.
I just wanted to come real here...I'm still progressing, but this shit has been HARD. Holding my breath for a month was HARD. Going into the field on days when I felt like crying was HARD. Stopping at 1,500 calories when emotionally, food was such a comfort was HARD. Not restricting (carbs- when I reduce carbs, I can pretty much stuff myself with calories and not gain) was HARD. Coming here and being 100% honest about dropping down my exercise is HARD.
I keep talking about how difficult it is to lose slowly. I really mean that. I know that by cutting my carbs to 30 I could lose two or three pounds a week. Sacrificing short term satisfaction for what I believe will be long term success is FUCKING HARD.
Okay, confession over.
Back at it,
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